I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
