First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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