We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
