like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
