I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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