You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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