I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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