She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
