A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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