Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My first STD was from a foam party
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
