We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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