I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
