I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
