you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
