you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
