He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
