can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
