Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Someone signed my nipple.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
