i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
