just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
