I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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