I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.