you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.