I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house