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hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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