I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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