Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
