a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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