i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Text me some of your sweat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
