p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
