So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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