i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
