Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
