New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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