I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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