So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
