I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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