I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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