my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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