So drunk, too bad you don't want this
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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