yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
