shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
