im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
