I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
