I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
should my penis look like a turkey
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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