Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
