you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
