dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
FUCK WHALES
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
