The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
