Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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