very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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