I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
