I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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