she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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