She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
