Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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