Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
