i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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