its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
