No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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