I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
