Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
