so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
