so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
