call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize