Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
