i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
