i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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