i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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