ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
