your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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