Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
