walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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