well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
