dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
