I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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