id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
