but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
