What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
