I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
