to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
