That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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